Friday, November 04, 2005

Anxiety

Main Entry: anx·i·ety
Pronunciation: a[ng]-'zI-&-tE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -eties
Etymology: Latin anxietas, from anxius
1 a : painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind usually over an impending or anticipated ill b : fearful concern or interest c : a cause of anxiety
2 : an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it
synonym see CARE

From http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/anxiety

The first definition and the synonym seem to really be how I am experiencing motherhood. I care so much that I am positively afraid something is wrong. I am constantly worried about something. My milk will be too little because he wasn't suckling enough during his cold. He spit up, is he getting enough nutrients. He screams during feeds, what am I doing wrong, how can I help him, how can I calm him down.

Yesterday all of these worries, concerns, anxieties reached a peak level and I crashed. I called Keva in tears and he surprised me at home a few hours later just for a quick half hour in the middle of his day to hold me or give me a chance to be away from the baby a little and regroup in some Molly only time. I took him up on both we cuddled and then I took a half an hour to eat a big lunch and drink some fluids. Kale and I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed interchangeably sleeping and eating which was restful but didn't relieve all of my fears. Come bedtime I was crashing again and while Kale slept in Keva's arms I cried for what felt like an hour. The night went smooth (we tried sleeping him in his carseat to relieve congestion as well as a steam and it worked well) and I woke up feeling a bit more confident and relaxed. I am not saying I won't worry like crazy for the rest of his life but this little bout of extreme worries is calming down.

1 comment:

Becky said...

*big hugs* You are such a good mama - and your wee one is well taken care of. I know anxiety like the back of my hand and I don't expect it will be disappearing when my little one comes.

Deep breaths and soothing thoughts coming your way.

Our love to you three.