Friday, January 20, 2006

Road Trip/Cono Part Two

I wrote the whole saga of our trip to and from Eureka but I have been putting off writing anything about after we got off the ferry. Sure I have been busy with Kale and it is hard to find time for many things but I think there was also a bit of avoidance and not wanting to talk about this topic.

We went straight to the hospital and got to see Cono relatively soon after we got there. It was hard to see him and to know how to interact with him. I was relieved that he was asleep because I wasn't able to be cheerful or chipper - though I guess I would have been if I had needed to. He had his chest and tummy exposed when he went in and I still find myself focusing on this belly button as this image of normalacy and health in the middle of all of the tubes and life support that was going on around him.

We spent a week in Victoria going to the hospital every day. Aside from Keva and I most everyone stayed at the hospital out in the waiting room most of the day. We didn't want Kale around hospital germs that much so I would only spend an hour or so with him there each day. Two days I actually separated myself from him and went to the hospital. The first time I left him with his Daddy and his Aunty and was away for almost three hours. It was stressful - I couldn't tell if the anxiety was from worrying about Cono or worrying about my poor baby boy starving while I was off at the hospital. He did pretty well while I was away, fussing but no real screaming. Two days later Keva and I both went to the hospital and left Kale with Kimber. He was asleep when we left and we were gone for less than two hours. When we got back he had just started to cry (kim swears he didn't cry until I walked in the door).

I hadn't planned on being separated from him this young, but I guess nothing about Holidays 2005 was what any of us had planned.

I went through a lot of strange emotions during that week. Frustrated that I couldn't been in the hospital all the time - to the point where I felt jealous of the rest of my family. It drove me nuts that they were getting to work on puzzles in the waiting room even though I knew that none of them wanted to be there and that I wouldn't be doing anything more for Cono by being there than in the hotel or out on walks. Funny how being a parent affects things and choices we didn't even consider.

We are still living in a period of waiting to see how he is doing/healing/feeling. His emotions vary (or at least the reports we get on them) and he seems to have some movement in his head (nodding yes shaking no) which we all take to be really positive signs. He had surgery today to put a feed tube directly into his stomach to replace the tube that has been feeding him through his nose up until this point. Prayer and thoughts are still welcome.


Becky & Jason said...

Our positive thoughts and love are with Conrad, Lisa and all of you. It's a really tough thing to go through. Much love from us here stateside.

Anonymous said...


I think I can honestly say I'm an expert on avoidance of all things illness- and medical-related. So hopefully you're not feeling bad about it, because it's perfectly normal.

I am sorry to hear about the rough times you've already been through and those that lie ahead. If you ever need to vent about watching someone I'm sure mom would happily exchange some emails with you. I consider her an expert of frustrated, bedside helplessness. I guess in a weird way it's almost easier being the one who's sick.

Anonymous said...

Oops... that was Abby by the way